Between Heaven & Houston

48 Hours in the Heart of Texas  

 

  Pirate Press             Autumn 2026 

Bad Decisions Make Great Stories

Researchers have long acknowledged that our DNA betrays us, not just in the form of evidence left behind at a crime scene, but in much more prosaic ways such as mitochondrial traits passed down by parents to their offspring. In my case, Victoria definitely gets her curly hair from Amanda but I'm most proud that she shares my love for the heavy metal band, Motley Crue. 

 

Last year on a whim, I took her to see a Motley Crue cover band in Biloxi. It was a spur of the moment decision and both tickets were less than $100. To my complete surprise, the small venue was perfect and they put on a fantastic show. The tribute band really leaned into giving an authentic performance from their wardrobe all the way down to their makeup and stage presence. Victoria and I were at the front of the stage and it was a blast. Afterwards, the band members stuck around to chat with us and take photos. 

 

Victoria and The Crue at The Sanctuary, July 2025. 

 

It was such an unqualified success that when Motley Crue announced their new 2026 Return of the Carnival of Sins Tour I decided to look into it. The two closest shows were either Atlanta or Houston so I did what Ella Langley said and chose Texas. But first, I needed to pick myself up off the floor after I saw the ticket prices. Third row PIT seats were $2,530 apiece and front-row of the floor section were $1,920 apiece! Fortunately, I was able to get two Platinum Package seats on the Eighth Row for under $1000. I suppose my sensibilities have changed as I wouldn't have paid anywhere near that to see them again, but I wanted Victoria to enjoy the unique experience. 

 

Prices have skyrocketed since I paid $15.50 in 1985. 

 

I also feared that this might realistically be the last time to see Motley Crue in concert. None of the musical acts I grew up with in the 80s are spring chickens any longer and they're dropping like flies. Last year, we lost notables like Ace Frehley, Brad Arnold and Ozzy Osbourne and this year it's been Bonnie Tyler, Frank Beard and Dolly Parton. Death does not discriminate and Vince Neil almost wasn't around to participate in the new Carnival of Sins tour. In December 2024, he awoke to discover that the left side of his body was completely paralyzed from three mini-strokes and one large ischemic stroke. Doctors told him he might never walk again but he was determined to get back on stage and continue performing. He had to learn to walk again and then gradually progressed from a wheelchair to a walker and then to a cane before not needing any assistance. He said the whole experience was incredibly humbling, with people initially having to carry him to the bathroom since his legs didn't work properly. Neil stated he can now run and is, in his own estimation, "90 to 95 percent" healthy. However, he is a lot less ambulatory and certainly will not be bounding across the stage as he did in 1985.

Unbelievably, it's been 41 years since I'd last seen them in concert for their Theater of Pain tour in New Orleans. There's also a very unusual origin story about how I discovered Motley Crue that I've never publicly shared. 

 

During the Summer of 1985, I became interested in Sherry, a high school classmate who was a friend of a friend. With her blonde hair and hourglass figure, she reminded me of the 1950s starlet Jayne Mansfield. The only problem was she was engaged to another guy, Ricky. Previously, she had been a real goody two-shoes but over the Summer had discovered how good it was to be bad and was fully embracing her new Libertarian lifestyle. She was also desperately unhappy with Ricky so she took on me and another guy, Mitchell, as her suitors while he was away. This ill-advised polyfidelity was the catalyst for my introduction to Motley Crue as one night Mitchell handed me his cassette tape of "Shout at the Devil." From the first few words of the eerie, apocalyptic intro track, "In The Beginning" I was hooked. Needless to say, during that long, hot summer I learned a lot about the female body and Motley Crue. 

 

Of course, flames that burn the hottest also burn out the quickest so our torrid affair was extinguished within a few months. Despite my protests, Sherry went on to marry Ricky and Mitchell moved away. Sadly, none of this had a Hollywood Ending. She and Ricky divorced a couple years later and upon doing research for this article I discovered that they both passed away at age 51. Ricky died from an extended, undisclosed illness and Sherry succumbed to decades of drug abuse. Ironically, Mitchell now lives in Houston (not far from the concert we're attending) though it's understandable why I won't be inviting him to join us. Well, that and the fact it would make for a very awkward conversation with my daughter about how I knew him.  

 

The week before the concert, I had been anxiously eyeing an area of low pressure in the steamy Gulf waters off Pensacola. Although there was a very mild probability of tropical cyclogenesis, I just knew that with my luck it would ruin the concert I'd bought tickets for seven months earlier. Making matters worse, it was being held at the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion, an outdoor amphitheater that was immensely more vulnerable to the elements than the enclosed venues I was accustomed to visiting. 

 

And while Edouard quickly intensified into a Tropical Storm, it just narrowly missed Houston. It roared ashore near Port Arthur with 90-mph winds and dumped 20 inches of rainfall overnight in an area normally accustomed to a monthly total of just 5 inches.  

 

If Houston is overly risk-averse to flooding, it's with good reason. Extreme urban expansion, along with an elevation barely above sea-level and a nonabsorbent clay topography have created an environment highly resistant to proper water alleviation. In 2017, Hurricane Harvey made landfall on the Texas coast as a Category 4 storm. In a five-day period, it produced more than 50 inches of rain in the Houston area, flooding over 300,000 structures and causing more than $120 billion in damage. A total of 103 people died as a result of it, with 68 deaths directly tied to the storm and 35 from indirect effects in its aftermath.

 

More recently, on July 4th, 2025, the Guadalupe river rose 26 feet in just 45 minutes sweeping away most of Camp Mystic, a Christian girls' summer camp. Twenty-eight people died in the flooding: 25 campers aged 8–10, two counselors aged 18 and 19, and Dick Eastland, the Camp Director. He reportedly died while attempting to rescue the campers and his body was later found in an SUV along with those of three other girls. As of February 6, 2026, all but one of the 28 bodies have been recovered.    

 

So, it wasn't surprising when we left for Houston and it was raining. However, this precipitation led us to accidentally discover that our CX-5 possesses Rain-Sensing Wipers. Previously the exclusive province of $100K BMWs and Mercedes vehicles, I was quite shocked to learn our humble CX-5 was equipped with them. But even more amazing was how accurate they were, seeming to know exactly when to start, speed up, or stop, depending on the rain volume. And with spotty showers almost the entire length of our 500-mile trip, they received quite the workout. 

 

Our first stop was almost three hours later and was quite possibly the strangest location we've ever visited for a meal. We arrived at the LSU college campus ostensibly to try Torchy's Tacos, a beloved Texas taco chain. It's the only location for us between Lake Charles and Orlando and was literally across the street from Tiger Stadium (aka Death Valley). I didn't see Livvy Dunne, but the grounds were similarly breathtaking with 1,300 live oaks, some of which were estimated to be over 200 years old. Interestingly, the physical layout was developed by the same landscape firm responsible for Central Park in New York.  

  

Near Beaumont, we left the modern, concrete confines of I-10 and began our rural route through East Texas ghost towns like Liberty, where nature has done its best to reclaim the deserted houses and rusted machinery abandoned after the early 20th century timber industry boom. But with such little commerce and population, the speed limit on those crude, country roads was an unbelievable 75 mph which felt decidedly illegal when the Interstate speed was limited to just 70 mph. Even so, I increased our speed to a quasi-legal 80 mph and remarked to Amanda how nice it was to drive that quickly with temporary impunity. 

 

Although the concert was [technically] in the greater Houston metropolitan area, it was actually in The Woodlands, a purpose-built township 28 miles north of the city. It's an affluent area with neighborhoods referred to as "Villages" and a City Center with a central waterway patterned after San Antonio's popular River Walk.  Given the compact nature of The Woodlands and living up to its name, all residents are within a ten-minute walk of one of its 151 city parks. It's also part of the Spring Creek Greenway, the longest, connected, urban forested corridor in the nation.

 

Proving it's cultural sophistication, the Woodlands also boasts it's own In-N-Out Burger but arriving at 5 o'clock on a Friday was clearly not an ideal time. The drive-thru line circled the building and inside it was wall-to-wall with hungry customers. I quickly instructed Victoria to grab the first available open table and then I waited in line. As we finally got our food and sat down, Amanda pointed out several people in Motley Crue shirts who were apparently also going to the concert. 

 

Our last visit to Texas was in 2020 and I've spent a lot of that time imaging what my next meal from In-N-Out would taste like. I wondered if the elapsed time had inflated my perception of it and if it would really be as good as I remembered? 

 

Trying to be as objective as possible, I still found my Special Order from the Secret Menu (Double-Double burger, Animal-Style fries and Neapolitan milkshake) to be pretty damn perfect, even if prices have climbed roughly 50% in the past six years. To illustrate this, I pointed out to Amanda the near flawless coverage of melted American cheese, caramelized grilled onions and special burger sauce on the fries: too much and it's a gloppy mess but not enough and they're overly dry and salty. To achieve this impeccable ratio— particularly during such a busy time— shows real devotion and craft to the food preparation. This is no McMess like you'd get down the street from Ronald!    

 

Amanda and Victoria each opted for the "Flying Dutchman" also off the Secret Menu— a viral concoction where the meat and cheese are sandwiched between two whole grilled onion slices acting as an ersatz bun. 

 

The only downside to In-N-Out? Social media and influencers have overblown this dining experience so dramatically that everybody goes there now for content and not the food. It's a genuinely good meal but hard to enjoy when it's so crowded and noisy that you can't even carry on a decent conversation with the person across from you. We've been going to In-N-Out for over a decade, long before it became trendy to do so because we sincerely enjoyed the food, but the clout-chasers have ruined it. Amanda suggested trying an off-peak time next visit to see if it was any better. I told her that with this location being open to 1:30 AM, I could only imagine how busy it would be after the concert! 

I had wisely read the schedule for Motley's concert the night before in Dallas, so I knew that even though it started at 6:30 PM they wouldn't actually appear on stage until around 9:00 PM. This gave us plenty of time to get ready and travel to the venue. Of course, parking was the big issue, and we considered what would be the easiest and safest way to accomplish this.

Sadly, Houston is terrible when it comes to traffic: vehicular traffic is the fifth worst in the nation and, even worse, first in human trafficking (defined as the illegal trade of humans for sexual exploitation or forced labor) neither of which sounds particularly appealing. But what makes the abductions so tempting and easy is the close proximity to the Mexican border, a 2,000-mile line that despite Trump's best efforts is the most frequently crossed international perimeter in the world. In 2016, 313,000 people were victims of human trafficking in Texas. Of those, 234,000 were adults subjected to labor trafficking, and 79,000 were minors and youths subjected to sex trafficking. 

So, for that reason I told Victoria never to leave my sight at the concert and that Amanda would stay behind at the hotel rather than driving us. Instead, we parked at one of the off-site lots and had a shuttle bring us in. 

Paradoxically, the Cynthia Woods Mitchell Pavilion resembles a huge circus tent, so it was the perfect spot to host Motley Crue's Carnival of Sins concert. And if the Houston Chronicle is to be believed, it's the second most-used amphitheater in the world. 

 

 

Tesla and Extreme were the opening acts and since I didn't care about seeing them, we took our time standing in the quite-lengthy merch line. Souvenir shirts, at $50 apiece, weren't quite as bad as I expected and I bought one for myself and one for Victoria. She also wanted a black Too Fast For Love baseball cap, which at $40 seemed a little steep. However, the drinks were the real rip-offs; she turned 21 a month earlier and this was my first opportunity to *legally* buy her an alcoholic beverage. Unfortunately, they didn't have several of the drinks she wanted, so she asked for a Vodka-Red Bull. It rang up for $38 and I about passed out. She ordered a double, but neither of us expected it to be that much. I later told Amanda that if I only remembered the concert for one thing, it would be that damn overpriced drink. I never asked Victoria, but with us being in Texas, I at least hope it was Tito's and not some cheap swill like Taaka. 

 

   

Motley took the stage promptly at 9:00 PM and the concert was so much better than I'd anticipated. With Vince's health issues and a 41-year gap from the last time I saw them, I didn't really know what to expect but they remain consummate entertainers and everything ran like a well-oiled machine. Over the past decade, we've taken her to huge tours like 1 Direction, Ariana Grande and Billie Eilish but this was her first rock concert and she was overcome with emotion, particularly during the Home Sweet Home sing-along.  

 

Interestingly, of the 16-song set list they ignored every album post-Dr. Feelgood save for Primal Scream and the curious inclusion of Afraid. They closed the concert with Kickstart My Heart which just recently passed 1 Billion streams on Spotify, and I suppose is the Gen Z equivalent of platinum album sales. That's not bad for a 37 year-old song!     

 

Leaving the venue, we got turned around and walked about a half-mile in the wrong direction before finally making our way back to the front where we were dropped off. Not surprising, there was no sign of our shuttle amidst the madness of 16,000 people all scrambling to exit at once. They were cramming into the shuttles like they were lifeboats on the Titanic and it seemed we might be stuck there. Victoria checked into getting us an Uber back to our car, but the damn surge pricing was $30 for a 1-mile trip which I flat-out refused to pay. We then decided to jog back but I wasn't really keen on going through some of those dark areas at that time of night. Instead, I spotted a brightly-lit electric Pedicab and inquired about a lift back to our car. He initially quoted me $30, but when I declined he immediately lowered it to $20 and I accepted. And that's how Victoria and I ended up at midnight in Texas in the most bizarre form of public transportation we've ever used.  

 

The next morning, I awakened Amanda and Victoria early so we could make it to CorkScrew BBQ before they opened at 11:00 AM. It's one of only 4 barbecue restaurants in the U.S. to be awarded a Michelin Star and as an aficionado of that cuisine, I couldn't wait to try it. Fortunately, it was located in Spring, Texas, which was just about 10 miles south of us and on our way to Houston. 

 

I foolishly thought that getting there thirty-minutes early would give us more than enough time to beat any crowds clamoring for their famous Red Oak-smoked barbecue. But just like the In-N-Out fiasco the night before, I had severely underestimated the culinary vultures, those digital parasites driven not by a genuine passion for the food, but by an insatiable, desperate need for social recognition, status and content. 

 

The line was wrapped around the restaurant and into the street. I was so frustrated I immediately asked Amanda if she just wanted to go somewhere else? But she knew I had wanted to try it since they received their Michelin Star in 2024, so she convinced me to stay. 

 

I reluctantly joined the end of the line and hoped it would go quickly while she and Victoria sat in the air-conditioned comfort of the CX-5. 

 

Adding to my misery, Texas was experiencing the hottest September in history. As I stood in the street with nary a cloud or canopy over me, the 100-degree heat felt like a broiler oven. Beneath my feet, the blacktop was baking, radiating waves of sizzling heat that was cooking me from the bottom up while the sun was relentlessly beating down upon me. I felt like one of their Creekstone ribs slowly roasting on the pit. This disturbing mental image was further intensified by witnessing the bare shoulders of a hapless customer in front of me as his blossoming sunburn gradually took on the same vibrant pinkness as the smoke-ring in a perfectly-cooked brisket. I hope his meal was worth it because he was the recipient of a most unwelcome and painful souvenir.  

 

After a staggering two-hour wait, I had finally made it in and was able to order at the register. Ironically, at this point I was so frustrated and angry that I really wasn't even hungry. Making small-talk to pass the time, a couple military guys had earlier asked me if I'd ever eaten here before? I quickly proceeded to inform that it is was indeed my first time and would also be my last! I was convinced that not even the best barbecue in the world was worth the ordeal again.  

 

I ordered the chopped Brisket sandwich, Victoria got the sliced Brisket sandwich, and Amanda ordered the smoked Turkey sandwich. We also decided to share a pint of the Creamy Potato Salad and the Pit Smoked Pork beans so we could sample them. Additionally, Victoria also asked for extra jalapenos, pickles, onions, and barbecue sauce. 

 

The brisket was very good with an excellent smoked flavor. It was slightly heavier and more robust than regular oak, but also cleaner and less pungent than hickory. It was immediately evident how barbecue novices could become infatuated with it after their first bite. Likewise, Amanda's turkey was so tender, juicy and flavorful that it tasted more like pork. I'm not a fan of turkey but it was easily the best I've ever eaten.  As for the sides, the potato salad also had a unique flavor profile that none of us could put our finger on, and I understand their recipe is a closely-guarded secret. Unfortunately, the beans were quite disappointing, lacking the sweetness from brown sugar and molasses I've come to expect and enjoy.

  

For almost $100, it was the most unimpressive Michelin Star meal ever and looked like something that could be replicated at just about any gas station in Texas. Furthermore, I reminded Amanda that the barbecue from The Pig & Pint in Jackson, MS is comparable and not nearly as far or frustrating.   

Afterwards, we left to see my favorite form of transportation and it was quite a juxtaposition from just a few months earlier when I was at the largest Ferrari dealership in the nation. Yes, Ferrari of The Woodlands is in my expert estimation the smallest authorized location in the entire world. At just 5,000 sq.-ft, it's the same size as many of the luxury homes in Houston's fancy River Oaks neighborhood. It also lacks the famous yellow prancing horse and instead substitutes a shiny silver logo and insignia. But unless you're particularly looking for it, it's easy to miss as it blends in with the other offices in the same building. However, this location was apparently chosen for it's close proximity to other businesses that aid and abet the sale of said Italian cars. For instance, right next door is the Mann Eye Institute which ensures that your vision is 20/20 so you don't get the six-figure prices misread and think that new $800,000 12Cilindri is just $300,000. However, if that shock does generate an untimely heart attack, One Medical is also a tenant so the unfortunate victim can be quickly treated. Once they're (hopefully) revived, they can be shuttled to the conveniently located Bank of Texas. Here, dealership personnel will only be too happy to assist the helpless customer in emptying their savings and mortgaging their home to purchase a new Ferrari.          

 

But despite the diminutive nature of the location, it did provide the opportunity to spot three new Ferraris I've not yet seen in person before— a 12Cilindri, a Purosangue and a Roma. And as the names suggest, they are all vastly different models (and in similarly unusual colors). 

 

The Purosangue is the oddest, being Ferrari's first SUV and painted in Verde British which us Yankees recognize as "British Racing Green." It's a $13,700 up-charge and paradoxically makes it look more like a Jaguar than a Ferrari. I'm a purist, so I hate the whole idea of a Prancing Horse-badged sport-utility, but Ferrari is most-definitely a for-profit organization. Unfortunately, the four-door, four-seat, four wheel-drive model has sold ridiculously well so it seems it will remain in the current vehicle lineup indefinitely. 

 

Amanda even liked it, though that quickly changed when I informed her that it cost $767,000 to which she almost spit out her Diet Coke. I mentioned that just the fees on it alone would buy a very nice new $45,000 car. Of course, Don the Con gets his cut right off the top with the cleverly-worded "Tariff Contribution" for $36,078.85 which intentionally makes it sound more like a charitable donation that an actual financial penalty. But Ferrari ain't gonna pay it, so they just pass it along to their well-heeled customers. And you do indeed need to be swimming in cash to swing a $423,000 Ferrari that includes another $298,000 in questionable upgrades like Black Ceramic Exhaust Pipes for $2,607. I wonder if anyone will believe that the carbon buildup and soot on our Mazda's tailpipes is "Black Ceramic?"   

 

        

I asked A.I. to draw a picture of the Purosangue next to our CX-5 for reference and I regret to admit that I can't find any detail that makes it $700,000 better than our Mazda. For me, it's the First-Class ticket analogy: People who spend a fortune for a First-Class ticket on an airplane might have nicer amenities than those in Coach, but they both still get to their destination at the same time.    

Next up is the Roma, Ferrari's entry-level vehicle. For almost any other manufacturer, "entry-level" would imply a negative connotation, but here it means a starting price of $280K and a 612hp twin-turbo V8. The name and retro design are meant to evoke images of Italy's capital city in the 1950s and 1960s. Hence, Ferrari developed a new color for it known as "Celeste Trevi" and the mesmerizing hue draws inspiration from the aquamarine water in Rome's Trevi fountain.  

 

Lastly, we have the 12Cilindri, which conveys it as Ferrari's newest twelve-cylinder model. Personally, I think it's the most beautiful current design and I love the historical cues borrowed from the 1968 Daytona. Appealing to Ferrari traditionalists, it eschews everything unnecessary (All-Wheel-Drive, Electrification, Forced Induction, etc.) for a properly-distilled Gran Turismo with 819 naturally-aspirated horsepower that revs to a thrilling 9500rpm. There is no Ferrari presently available that better represents the spirit and ethos of the brand than this. And to further drive the point home, a unique, gated six-speed model, the Manuale, is expected in the second half of 2027.        

 

Look closely and you can even spot the special deer whistle embedded in the lower front lip. It's part of the limited-edition $1,845 Texas package that also includes a Confederate flag, a gun rack and a six-pack of Lone Star beer. (Edit: Okay, it's really a parking camera so the pricey nose-piece doesn't scrape on sharp inclines.) 

 

There's also a cautionary tale about a current employee at this dealership named Paul Frame. Back in 1995, he rose to national prominence when he received the first F50 in North America. As the CEO of Seitel, a Houston-based seismic data company, he reportedly had a $5 million annual salary and was very active in the Ferrari scene. But by 2001, his name was back in the news and it wasn't for good reasons.

 

According to the SEC filing and various news articles, he was strapped for cash after renovating his $15 million mansion so he embezzled $750K to pay a variety of expenses. First and foremost, was a lawsuit brought against him by his former mistress who claims he mistreated and tortured her. However, more salacious reports point to a very kinky relationship that purportedly featured copious amounts of cocaine, a pair of handcuffs, him in a bear costume, and her in a Goldilocks outfit. Allegedly, she was paid $400k in hush money while he spent $300K for a Ferrari race car and $148K on a home alarm system. He initially attempted to claim those amounts were for such business-related items as "Legal Fees" and "Sponsorships" but company filings soon unearthed his ruse.    

 

In 2005, Frame was sentenced to 63 months in prison and ordered to pay Seitel $750,000 in restitution. He was found guilty on five counts of fraud that included mail fraud, wire fraud, money laundering and making a false statement to the Securities and Exchange Commission. Due to the severity of the charges, he was required to serve the full sentence. 

 

Regrettably, the F50 he forfeited would have made an excellent post-prison investment. Despite an initial MSRP of $560,000, one in the same Giallo Modena livery as his recently sold for a staggering $14.575 million!   

 

Today, he lives modestly in Conroe, a small suburb 40 miles north of Houston, but a world away from the hedonistic lifestyle he once so enthusiastically embraced.         

 

 

  If nothing else, 79 year-old Frame certainly has some great memories! 

 

Finally, the last unique meal we tried in Houston belonged to Nando's, a South-African chain that specializes in Portuguese flame-grilled chicken. It's huge in the U.K. but largely unknown in North America where it courts a tremendous celebrity following. Surprisingly, there's not a single location in Florida so, again, it was either Texas or Georgia for us. 

 

I opted for the Peri-Peri Power Bowl, which features a base of ancient grains that looked to me like brown rice but was said to be quinoa and bulgur wheat. It also included a scoop of mixed seeds such as pumpkin and sesame, followed with avocado slices, kale, hummus, feta, tomato, cucumber, and an onion salad. It was topped with two charbroiled chicken breasts, and was, as I proudly boasted to Amanda, the healthiest meal I've ever consumed on vacation. It was also ridiculously delicious and filling, proving that wholesome food can taste good, with a perfect combination of lean protein, essential fats, and nutritious superfoods. I also opted for the limited-edition Peri-Peri Saka sauce which consists of tomato, garlic, smoked paprika, and African Bird's Eye Chillies. On Nando's Heat-O-Meter it ranks as "Medium" and was just spicy enough to be enjoyable without being uncomfortable. It's also from the same family as the Tabasco pepper and has a Scoville Heat Range of 175,000 to 200,000, while Tabasco and Cayenne have a lesser rating of about 50,000.      

 

For beverages, we tried the Rubro Peach Tea, which is a naturally caffeine-free iced tea from South Africa. As for entrees, Victoria got a Chicken Breast Sandwich and Amanda selected the Chicken Thigh Skewers. We enjoyed everything we ordered, but my only regret was the "Naughty Nata" dessert. Officially known as "Pastel de Nata" it's a traditional Portuguese egg custard tart that sounded great on the menu, but I was underwhelmed by the taste and small size. To me, it was no better than a Little Debbie Apple Fritter.

 

This trip to Houston has been our first family vacation since Victoria's car was totaled last November and Amanda's was totaled in January. And after nearly a year of unemployment, Amanda finally secured a position in the Singing River Hospital network, an objective she's been chasing since 2021. It's been a very long, frustrating, and tumultuous journey but it finally seems like she's where she belongs. Likewise, Victoria has moved out and gotten her own house so I really enjoy these rare times we spend together as a family. I told her that I received Motley Crue's Dr. Feelgood album for my 21st birthday and she actually got to see them for her 21st, so it was eerily predestined nearly 4 decades ago. 

 

Sure, the tickets were outrageous and everything was hella expensive in Houston, but you can't put a price on memories and I'll always cherish this experience with her. 💖        

 

       

                

 

 

Into The Blue*

Reuniting With A Family Jewel After 40 Years. 

 

 

  Pirate Press             June 2026

More fun than Hantavirus on a Cruise Ship!

 

Just last year I had complained about how difficult it was finding Victoria a new car and then suddenly I was back in the same situation with Amanda after she was broadsided in January. 

 

It's no exaggeration to state that prices and supply are ridiculous for both new and used vehicles, and due to that we searched up to 600 miles for a suitable replacement.

 

She wanted something similar to her Hyundai Santa Fe that was good on gas, wasn't too big, and had a lot of space.  

 

Fortunately, our insurance picked up the tab for a 2024 Jeep Compass Limited 4x4 loaner so we happily piled the miles on it during our exploration. 

 

 

"Everything's Bigger in Tampa" 

 

The first vehicle we wanted to inspect was all the way in Wesley Chapel, Florida, which is an affluent suburb of Tampa. It was located at BMW of Wesley Chapel, a sprawling seven-story, 130,000-square-foot dealership. Situated on four acres of prime real estate right off I-75, the multi-level parking structure features 340 spaces for vehicle inventory as well as 208 spots for customers and employees. Obviously, it's the largest dealership I've ever seen or viewed. 

 

A BMW dealership bigger than a lot of hospitals I've visited.

We got a late start for Wesley Chapel but I reasoned that was okay because we planned to drop by the dealership after hours. This would ensure that we weren't hounded by salesmen and we could also determine if we liked the vehicle or not before committing to buying it.

 

Following a delightful dinner at Chuy's in Gainesville, we arrived in Wesley Chapel around 9:30 PM and noticed what a clean and modern-looking community it was. Last year, it was even recognized as Florida's Best Place to Live by Consumer Affairs. But with a median household income of $112,000, and with nearly 20% of households earning over $200,000, it wasn't a complete surprise. 

 

Unfortunately, after driving around the massive, monolithic structure several times, I determined that the Mazda CX-9 we came to see was located on one of the parking garage's upper floors. Furthermore, access to all of it was restricted by a rather imposing and sturdy-looking wrought-iron gate. Obviously, investigating a vehicle like this wouldn't have been an issue at any other dealership but I just happened to pick the one attached to a 100-ft. tall carport. I had briefly entertained the concern that this might happen, but I was almost certain that a pre-owned Mazda would be parked out front rather than sharing covered space with $100,000 BMWs. Regrettably for me, they had room for both! 

 

Our next— and more immediate matter— was to find accommodations for the evening lest we wanted to test the sleeping space in the back of the Jeep. Amanda nor I were fond of that idea, so we both began furiously searching on our phones for nearby lodging. Much to our chagrin, we quickly discovered that the late hour, holiday weekend and ritzy location all conspired to significantly dwindle our available options.           

There was a Residence Inn by Marriott around the corner from the dealership so I checked it's price online and was stunned that even with my member discount it was still an outrageous $350 per night! But with few other vacancies present, I was seriously beginning to consider the likelihood of staying overnight in our four-wheeled "White House" and it certainly wasn't the one at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. But after some more desperate hunting, I bit the bullet and paid $250 for a nearby Holiday Inn Express which was clearly highway robbery. 

 

Upon check-in, I groused to the heavily-pierced and tattooed female desk clerk about the extortionary amount and she replied that those prices are dictated by the corporate office and they have no control over them. Perhaps due to her loneliness (and the fact that I was essentially a captive audience) she proceeded to torment me with her various experiences there such as the animosity she received in 2023 when Taylor Swift's circus came to Tampa for three sold-out shows. Hotel rooms were commanding over $1,000 a night and even reaching nearly $2,000 in some cases with customers feeling fully justified in venting their anger to her about it. I sympathized with her and told her I could completely envision those entitled snowflakes wanting to victim-blame someone else. I then quickly slipped out the side door before she could seamlessly segue into another long-winded, depressing account of her employment there.   

 

The next morning, we made our way to Wesley Chapel BMW to view the elusive Mazda CX-9. 

 

So why a Mazda?

 

Back in 1979, my parents bought their first and last Mazda, a 1980 626. It was award-winning and would go on to become Motor Trend's Import Car of the Year. It was a beautiful Marine Blue Metallic and I even took my driving test and had my first date in that car. But despite that nostalgia, it burned a lot of oil and constantly had brake problems. The 2.0-liter carbureted four-cylinder was designed for leaded gas and only made 75hp but thin cylinder walls led to seemingly more oil than fuel consumption. Under the directive that I would never tell my Mother, my Father admitted that during a family emergency he discovered that it's top speed was only 80 mph. 

 

Before the Miata appeared in 1990, the RX-7 was Mazda's sole sports car. My cousin had one, as did my high-school girlfriend. In 1988, Coker Mazda in Mobile got in a 10th Anniversary Turbo Edition that was one of just 1,500 produced. It was a stunning Crystal White example with special badging and even a Momo steering wheel. I think the salesman just wanted an excuse to drive it because he offered to take me for a spin and it was the fastest sports car I'd ever experienced up to that point.   

 

Our 626 was eventually traded in on a new 1985 Honda Accord but those fond memories persisted. So, when Mazda popped up as one of the most reliable brands next to Honda and Toyota, I seriously began considering one for our household. (Also, I'm superstitious and didn't want our recent bad luck following us so I steered cleared of Hyundai and Kia.) 

 

Our Mazda 626 circa June 1980. Dig those groovy whitewalls! 

 

Ironically, Ford and Mazda have a storied history stretching all the way to 1974 with their first partnership. Back then, the fledgling automotive company was still known as Toyo Kogyo which doesn't roll off the tongue nearly as smoothly as Mazda, a name derived from Ahura Mazda, the Asian god of harmony, intelligence and wisdom.  

 

The reason I bring this up is because my Ford Fusion rides on a Mazda 6 platform while the CX-9 we looked at has a Ford 3.7-liter V6, nearly identical to the one in the Mustang. Unfortunately, due to packaging constraints the V6 makes roughly 30hp less in the Mazda and is burdened with an extra 1,000 lbs to accommodate the All-Wheel-Drive and 7-passenger seating. As such, fuel economy suffers with it struggling to break 20 mpg. 

 

I drove it around Wesley Chapel, but Amanda and I unanimously decided it wasn't right for us. Not only was it a little too big and ponderous, we also didn't like the poor fuel economy and it had a problem with either the battery or alternator. During the test drive, the led screens were too dim to read properly and afterwards it wouldn't crank again. In a bid to save the sale, they offered to fix it but we already had our minds up. 

 

However, the highlight of the visit was listening to a narcissistic, middle-aged woman in the showroom experiencing an absolute meltdown because they didn't have a new BMW X5 with white leather! Apparently accustomed to quite a privileged life, she didn't understand why she couldn't get exactly what she wanted immediately. A true "Enfant Terrible" I could not work a job where I was forced to coddle such vile people. I struggled to imagine what major insecurities she had that required such materialistic possessions to feel validated. Regardless, I've never been so happy to leave a dealership before.            

  

Mazda calls this CX-9 "Dolphin Gray" but it sure looks black to me. 

 

Since we agreed that the CX-9 was too large, we decided to step down to the CX-5. We found a nice one in Soul Red Metallic at a Tampa dealership that boasted about being family-owned since 1968. However, the salesman was reluctant to provide a Carfax which was a (no pun intended) red flag. But, I had the VIN so I was able to do a little research myself and I discovered that it had a rebuilt title from a previous accident. The damage was so extensive that the entire frame on the passenger side was bent in like a pretzel and it was declared a total loss. Someone after that bought it, repaired it, and registered it with a rebuilt title. Frame damage is particularly hard to fix and you never know if it was done correctly. Due to this, a lot of insurance companies won't issue policies for vehicles with salvage/rebuilt titles. However, the rebuilt title wasn't the deal-breaker in this case, it was the dealership's dishonesty in trying to pass-off it off as having a clean title!    

        

Soul-Less: All that glitters is not gold (or red in this case!) 

 

That notwithstanding, our time with the CX-5 confirmed that it was indeed what we were looking for: it didn't require costly 93 octane, was devoid of useless all-wheel-drive, made almost 200hp without the added stress of a turbocharger, and the rear cargo space was similar to what we had in the Santa Fe.

 

Our vehicular reconnaissance accomplished, we decided to spend the next day exploring the brand new Epic Universe, Universal's $7 Billion sprawling paean to the evils of capitalism. Located 15 mins from Universal's main venue, it encompasses 110-acres and is the most expensive theme park ever built. It offers four new worlds to explore: The Wizarding World of Harry Potter- Ministry of Magic, Super Nintendo World, How to Train Your Dragon: Isle of Berk and Dark Universe.

 

Abandon all ye money, ye who enter here!  

 

Personally, I didn't think I'd ever find a theme park more expensive than Disney World but Universal has certainly succeeded. Parking was $30 and it was $500 for Amanda and I just to get into the park and that didn't even include the Express passes which would have been another $500. Truthfully, I was going to purchase them but they were completely sold out. And while I was initially disappointed, I would later find out that it was a huge blessing in disguise. 

 

 A monkey with a crayon could have designed a more exciting $250 ticket.  

 

Alongside us, Winter Storm Fern had also arrived in Orlando and was bringing unprecedented cold with a record-tying low of 22 degrees in Jacksonville. Ill-prepared for this, I only had  a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt so Epic Universe felt more like the North Pole than tropical Florida. 

 

Unexpectedly, it was also the coldest weekend since Epic Universe opened in May 2025. This is significant because these $100 million rides don't function in sub-50 degree weather. Why this issue was never examined or addressed prior to the $7 billion investment is beyond me. We've been to Disney dozens of times when it was similarly cold and not once have any of their rides been shutdown due to low temperatures. As I mentioned earlier— and due to the popularity of the first holiday weekend in 2026— it was a Godsend that we didn't spend an extra $250 each for Express Passes. For a family of four (of which we saw many that day) it represented an investment of $2000 to essentially walk around the park for the day. Universal did not offer refunds, or even an apology, for the thousands of people that bought a fast ticket to nowhere.

 

A beautiful, but frigid start to our day at Epic Universe. 

  

Despite that, we arrived early enough to catch a few rides before the impending drop in mercury shut everything down.  The Harry Potter ride was technologically stunning even with a near 4-hour wait. The Augmented-Reality Mario Kart was a huge disappointment and we understandably skipped Fyre Drill, a wet, water-based ride in Isle of Berk. Paradoxically, the simplistic wooden boats in it were unaffected by the icy temps that brought down all the other million-dollar machinery. And finally, the Frankenstein-focused Monsters Unchained was my absolute favorite, even though it malfunctioned on our second time riding it. 

 

Universal spared no expense on Harry Potter and The Battle at the Ministry. 

 

And while Mythos at Universal's Islands of Adventure has consistently been ranked the best theme park restaurant in the world, it seems they have not been content to coast on their accolades. We dined at both Toadstool Cafe in Super Nintendo World and Mead Hall in Isle of Berk, and each had tremendously creative and satisfying meals. My Super Mushroom Pizza Bowl was like a giant pizza pot pie and the "? Block Tiramisu" was the most unusual interpretation of the Italian dessert I've ever eaten. 

 

 

After twelve hours at Universal, it was dark and cold, and the perfect time to visit the world's largest Ferrari dealership without fear of being harassed. But in the grand scheme of authorized purveyors, Ferrari of Central Florida in Orlando is a mere baby, having only been established since 1999. 

 

As I wistfully recall the halcyon days of the 1980s, and my first Ferrari-spotting trip to South Florida in October 1988, there were only two official dealerships in the entire state (and neither had the brand in the name as is now common). There was Shelton Sports Cars in Ft. Lauderdale and The Collection in Coral Gables. Back then, individual dealers played fast and loose with the franchises and there was virtually no corporate oversight or conformity. Before it was acquired by the Shelton brothers in 1982, it was Paradise Motors owned by Robert Publicker in the late 1950s/early 1960s. Then (Robert) Cressman Motors in the 1960s and 1970s and finally Cressman-(Philip) Baumgarten in early 1980s. 

 

Witness the long-arms/short-legs "Primate Posture" required to sit in a Lamborghini Countach. The clamshell bucket seat was thinly-padded and hard while the heavy clutch was equally uncomfortable, doubling as a calf-exercise device. But owners gladly endured the misery because it was such an outrageously beautiful car.  (Pictured at Shelton Sports Cars)

           

In a bizarre case of life imitating Miami Vice, the owner of The Collection was indicted by a Federal Grand Jury on a massive drug charge in November 1993. The dealership was seized when prosecutors invoked forfeiture laws and in 1994 it was bought by Italian developer Ugo Colombo.

 

While total worldwide sales in 1988 struggled to break 4,000 units, Ferrari sold 13,640 vehicles in 2025 with net revenues of $8 million. Interestingly, earnings were up 7% over 2024 despite moving more cars (13,752) that year. Ferrari pointed to strong sales of the 12Cilindri, its new V12 grand tourer, as well as the XX Stradale, a track-ready version of the SF90. Ferrari cynically appeals to their ego-driven customer base with high-dollar, limited-edition models that allow them to sell fewer cars but make more money on each one sold. The XX Stradale is the perfect example— it has a stripped-down interior and just 30 more horsepower yet commands a $300,000 premium, a 50% hike over the retail price of the standard SF90. The mordacious money-makers in Maranello know that the typical Ferrari owner's self-worth is directly tied to their need for the best driveway jewelry and that they'll pay handsomely for that honor. Hence, limited-edition models as well as convertibles usually strike the intended demographic with the accuracy of a U.S. Tomahawk missile hitting an Iranian tanker.     

 

But big interest follows big money, so Florida now boasts five additional authorized Ferrari centers. Since my last visit in 1993, each has been strategically stationed in wealthy zip codes like Boca Raton, Naples, Orlando, Palm Beach and Tampa Bay. Ferrari's typical market for a new dealership is a high density of individuals with investable assets exceeding $30 Million so it's safe to say that there won't be a Ferrari of Pensacola anytime soon.     

 

And while not as sizable as BMW of Wesley Chapel that we had visited the day before, Ferrari of Central Florida is still the largest authorized Ferrari/Maserati dealership in the world with a 62,000 square-foot area and 23 climate-controlled service bays. It also boasts the most comprehensive collection of special models that I've ever seen assembled under one roof including the legendary quintet of a 1985 288 GTO, 1987 F40, 1995 F50, 2003 Enzo and a 2015 LaFerrari. This conglomeration alone constitutes an investment of over $25 Million, not including the ultra-rare 333 SP and the Formula One race car. 

 

Amazingly, my late-night skulking in the bushes did not trigger any attack dogs or laser-controlled turrets, but the dealership is (understandably) reputed to have a state-of-the-art surveillance system with over 200 infra-red cameras to protect its considerable assets.   

 

For our last meal in Orlando, we dined appropriately at an Italian eatery that I've been wanting to try for nearly a decade: Buca di Beppo. Given our theme park itinerary, we arrived late and I explained to the hostess how long I had wanted to visit the chain as well as the fact that we'd endured an 8 hour drive to do so. I figured at the very least, my out-of-state area code for the waiting list would corroborate my story and engender a small amount of sympathy. However, my pleas fell on deaf ears as we still had to survive a mind-numbing one-hour wait before being seated. 

 

Since 2020, 36 Buca di Beppo locations have been shuttered, cutting the total number of restaurants by nearly half to to just 40. A Chapter 11 bankruptcy in 2024, declining sales, and negative reviews have all been to blame for the rapid reduction in patrons. I figured if we didn't try it now, there might not be a second chance as our nearest locations in Atlanta and Houston have already closed.

 

However, none of the company's immense fiscal problems were visible at the location we visited in Celebration, a suburb roughly 30 miles south of Orlando: it was completely mobbed with birthday parties, couples and families. I also quickly discovered that Buca di Beppo is not the place for anyone on Zepbound (Motto: Only Poor People Need Willpower!) or similar vanity appetite suppressants because all the meals are served "Family Style" which in Italian apparently translates to "Keep Eating, Fatass!" That's right, the smallest serving Amanda and I could get consisted of 5 large chicken parmigiana patties, several pounds of pasta and twelve slices of garlic bread. Suffice it to say, it was the first time I've ever left a restaurant and not had room for Tiramisu. Fate permitting, I'd love for us to try it again, possibly the next time with my daughter and her boyfriend as I think that would be just right for the massive portions.  

 

       A convoy of Corvettes (and a lone Ferrari 488) passed us outside Plant City.

 

The next day, we returned home to Mississippi empty handed but I wasn't upset. After the test drives, we'd confirmed what we wanted and didn't want, and it was a good excuse for a fun weekend in Florida. However, the scarcity and outrageous prices for another vehicle is what made the task so daunting.

 

But, fate can be a funny thing as our future CX-5 was right under our nose the whole time, essentially negating the time and expense of our Orlando expedition. That's right, I stumbled upon it when browsing potential matches in Mobile and quickly made an appointment to check it out. 

 

After all our recent misfortune, I certainly wasn't optimistic so I suspect that's why it was the right one finally. But while I knew the CX-5 was a reasonably safe bet, I wasn't prepared to go all-in on a brand new one. With a MSRP of $40,485 for a 2026 model, 20% depreciation right off the showroom floor, and Amanda still being unemployed, we settled on an attractive 2016 model for half the price.     

  

For starters, the Deep Crystal Blue Mica paint is quite unusual and exquisite. It's an intense, deep blue that reveals purple hues in direct sunlight yet appears solid black after dark. It is highly reminiscent of the Ferrari paint color, Blu Pozzi, albeit much less expensive. Needless to say, I've never owned a blue vehicle before and the inclusion of the ivory leather interior, referred to as "Parchment", is a beautiful contrast.   

 

 

And despite it's humble origins, our CX-5 also sports a lot of other automotive firsts for our household. I never imagined that the first vehicle I'd purchase with 19-inch wheels would be a SUV but here it is. Thanks to the "Grand Touring" top-level trim, 225/55R19 tires are fitted which seems excessive to me. Additionally, there's the curious choice of brand-new Bridgestone Weatherpeaks for the tires. As a vehicle that spent it's entire life in South Florida, the decision to outfit it with rubber designed for "Severe Snow Service" is honestly quite mystifying. Despite that, they boast a class-leading 5 year/70,000-mile treadwear warranty so I plan on keeping them for a while.

 

When I started looking at the CX-5, I knew right away not to consider anything less than the "Grand Touring" model as Amanda had made it abundantly clear that she likes her creature comforts. So, in addition to the oversized wheels, there's also a better engine, heated leather seats, a 9-speaker Bose audio system and a moonroof. However, the most surprising exclusion was a power liftgate as we had become accustomed to the convenience of one on our Santa Fe. But, it turns out that this was deliberate as a power liftgate was not available on the CX-5 at any price. Some owners praised this as simply one less part to break, while others criticized the lack of it. I just chalked it to Setsuyaku, Japan's philosophy of frugality that embraces productivity and minimalism— it might not be luxurious but it sure gets the job done.

 

And in terms of Asian efficiency, the CX-5's engine is a sterling example of that. At 2.5 liters, it's easily the largest four-cylinder I've ever owned and the most powerful naturally-aspirated one. With 185hp, it eclipses the 3.0-liter V6 in our old Saturn L300 and makes within 20 hp of what my Redline's supercharged four-cylinder came with from the factory. Funny enough, it even edges out of the RX-7 Turbo that seemed so fast back in 1988.

 

  

Mazda's buzzword for this proprietary engine technology is Skyactiv, not to be confused with Skyrizi, a prescription medication used to treat moderate-to-severe plaque psoriasis. Utilizing a "Super Secret Sake" recipe, the mechanical ninjas in Hiroshima devised a way to make a 13.0:1 compression ratio engine operate optimally on just 87 octane. And it's actually detuned for the U.S. market— Mazda admitted that our CX-5's make roughly 10hp less than Japanese versions which run on 91 octane.   

 

The CX-5 also includes the wildest factory header I've ever seen— a serpentine 4-2-1 exhaust pipe with an integrated catalytic converter to minimize premature ignition from the sky-high compression ratio

 

 

Twisted Metal: Mazda's 2.5L exhaust header could pass for Modern Art. 

 

Assisting this ultra-efficiency is yet another first for me, a requirement stipulating super-lightweight 0W-20 synthetic oil that looks and flows like Lipton iced tea. It's definitely a far-cry from the syrupy 10W-30 dino juice I used in my Fiero. Attention was also paid to strengthening and cooling with a forged steel crankshaft (in lieu of cast-iron) and unique pistons with a special center cut-out to keep the spark plug from getting too hot. Also, overall engine mass was trimmed by 15 lbs., with ten of it being excised from non-critical areas. 

 

 

Even though it was quite a task to locate the flagship model without it, I purposely opted for the front-wheel-drive version which shaved a significant 225 lbs. off the scale. Despite the increasing popularity, I refuse to invest in an All-Wheel-Drive setup until I live in a state that gets more than a sprinkling of snow every decade. Basic physics dictate that a vehicle with a tenth-ton less mass will accelerate, stop, and handle infinitely better. And the deletion of the extra drivetrain complexity boosts fuel economy while reducing repair costs. 

 

With an EPA Highway Rating of 33 MPG, it's also the most frugal SUV we've ever owned, an unfortunate necessity when gas prices are over $4 gallon thanks to our warmonger President.  

 

Although it had an outstanding CarFax (and the brake pads, rotors and alternator had all been recently replaced) I took it to a local shop I've previously used for a professional inspection. Mercifully, it was all good news with just the usual cursory reminders of fluid changes when the odometer rolls over 100k miles. Otherwise, the cabin air filter looked new and I changed the engine air filter myself. The mechanic even introduced himself, congratulated me on the purchase, and then volunteered that he had formerly been a Mazda mechanic for ten years. I had clearly done my due diligence when researching the CX-5 but it was certainly nice to hear his expert opinion affirming my decision.

 

  

Obviously, I'm proud of our CX-5 and it seems like a real blue-chip investment. Mazda is a conservative company and because of that, the new 2026 CX-5 doesn't look radically different from our 2016, an aspect I'm clearly fond of. 

 

But it's more than skin-deep because despite similar proportions, the '26 CX-5 is heavier, slower and gets worse fuel economy. The "Grand Touring" moniker is gone, replaced with a "Premium Plus" trim that's essentially the same package, right down to the identical 225/55R19 tires and the familiar 2.5-liter engine. However, the four-cylinder has been modified to run on 93 octane with very mild gains of 3 hp and 1 lb-ft. of torque. Furthermore, those tiny improvements have been pushed higher up the rev-band, arguably making it less responsive— horsepower now peaks at 6000rpm instead of 5700rpm and torque crests at 4000rpm versus 3250 rpm. Combined with a curb weight that's 525 lbs. heavier (thanks to mandatory All-Wheel-Drive) it's a formula not nearly as athletic as our 2016 model. Likewise, not only is the premium fuel considerably more expensive (Up to $1 per gallon in my area) but overall mileage drops sharply from 26 City/33 Highway to 24/30.    

 

For the 2026 model, Car and Driver estimated an 8.2-second dash to 60 mph with a 16.5 second quarter-mile and a 116 mph top speed. Sadly, a version of our CX-5 without the AWD wasn't tested, but even with the extra 250 lbs. it managed much better times of 7.6, 15.8 and 123 respectively, which is plenty fast for my wife. 

 

With those boxes checked, our final concern was interior space. This was underscored by our Jeep rental which we spent nearly one month in. Although it appeared to be similar in size to our dearly departed Hyundai, it was not nearly as spacious on the inside. In fact, the two front seats were so close together that our arms frequently bumped into each other. Also, when loading the luggage for our trip to Orlando it became immediately evident that we were dealing with considerably less cargo space than what we were accustomed to. Sure enough, the Jeep only possessed 27 cubic feet of storage, a whopping 30% shy of our Santa Fe. These things might not sound like a lot on paper, but every inch counts when you're trying to stack suitcases like a game of Tetris and driving 8 hours each way.  

 

  

Likewise, I never checked beforehand but I was delighted to discover that our CX-5's trunk space was within 1-foot of the Hyundai (34 vs. 35) and possessed exactly the same wheelbase (106.3 inches). Coincidentally, our Mazda is a half-inch lower and 6 inches shorter which also helps it fit better in our garage without impacting interior comfort.  

 

I recently took it on a solo drive to Mobile and was able to glean a lot more from it when not burdened with a nervous spouse and several hundred pounds of luggage. The CX-5 has long been praised as the best-handling crossover in its segment and once I hit some rural roads I could see why. Mazda engineers were inspired by the Miata, and tuned the CX-5 to behave more like a sports car than an SUV. Putting it through it's paces, I was rewarded with excellent chassis communication, firm steering, and precise handling. Despite being handicapped by the Winter-Rated rubber, the 19-inch tires still felt stable and planted. Body roll was minimal and the six-speed automatic transmission (No fragile CVT here!) is programmed to hold gears longer during fast cornering (trailing throttle), same as you would if putting down laps on a race course. It actually encourages hot-blooded drivers like me to maintain the momentum through the curves.        

 

 

The seating position is lower, which I like, so it feels more like a car than an SUV. In Car and Driver testing, the CX-5 out-braked and out-handled my Fusion Sport which shouldn't be possible. Mazda credits this outcome as Jinba Ittai which translates to "Unity of horse and rider." It's definitely the most sports car-like SUV I've ever driven. 

 

Needless to say, losing three vehicles to catastrophic wrecks in 14 months has been a physically, financially and emotionally jarring experience so I'm hoping we can keep our CX-5 for a while.  I feel this is the best way to figuratively dip our toes into the Mazda pool without too much risk. If it works out and Amanda likes it, I certainly wouldn't be opposed to buying a new one. 

 

 

*Kudos if you immediately thought of the 2005 movie starring a bikini-clad Jessica Alba. Of course, Blue Crush would have worked, also. 😎