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Adopting America’s Original Sports Car

Pirate Press September 2019

Even after half a century, life’s cyclical nature never ceases to amaze me. That is, how things in our lives come back around whether it’s days, weeks, months or even decades later. My earliest recollection of a sports car was in the mid-70s, when I was around 8 years old. We lived at the end in a Cul-de-sac, and a prominent lawyer lived in the first house. One day, I spotted a menacing black car parked in his driveway. I didn’t know what it was, but the pop-up headlights assured me that it was something special. Those exotic headlights and the swoopy curves made it look like the Batmobile. Years later, I would learn that it was a third-generation (or C3) Corvette, a model that was produced from 1968-1982.

How I ended up with a Corvette after all those years reads like an automotive rom-com. I grew up pining (and chasing) a foreign Italian beauty only to finally land it and realize the girl next door was the one I’d overlooked all along. It’s true—my Ferrari 360 was stunning and sounded incredible, but was a terrible car to drive. Couple that with the expensive maintenance and horrible reliability, and it was a four-wheeled financial disaster in the making. After all was said and done, the Ferrari ended up costing me $50 for each mile I drove it.

But despite the bitter taste in my mouth and the painful sting to my wallet, I still couldn’t deny the burning desire I had for another sports car. I just knew that this time it had to be something I would actually enjoy driving without worrying about everything else. With that in mind, I had a pretty specific set of criteria I was looking for: First off, it had to have a V8, because I was done with forced-induction four-cylinders. Granted, my Saturn’s supercharged engine has been a paradigm of reliability, but the power delivery has always been jagged and rough, as you’d expect of a tiny motor forced to develop a staggering 150hp per liter!

Secondly, it had to have an automatic transmission because after thirty years of rowing gears, I was just plain tired of it. Almost as important was the styling. While I knew I wasn’t going to find anything that looked better than the Ferrari, it still needed to look good. I feel our cars are representations of us, and that it should be something I’m excited to drive daily.

Meanwhile, the mileage was also a hot button. I tend to keep my cars an average of nine years, so I wanted relatively low miles to ensure it would be around for a while. Unbelievably, I’d seen some 2015 and 2016 models with nearly 100,000 miles on them which was a deal-breaker. Given today’s technology, most modern cars last well beyond their first six-figures, but I still get nervous when any car’s odometer rolls over that milestone.

Also, it’s bound to piss off PETA and all the pro-vegans, but I can’t help that I love leather seats. It’s a guilty pleasure (like eating meat) that I’m just not yet ready to forfeit for the betterment of the planet. However, the inclusion of this in sports cars also seems to be wildly sporadic. Thanks to manufacturers byzantine marketing strategies, many times leather is only available if you opted for redundant features like the “Overhead LED Map Light” package. I realize cloth is a grippier, better surface for spirited driving, but the Cro-Magnon in me prefers cowhides.

Another concern was overall vehicle mass, as automobiles in general have steadily gained weight thanks to an ever-expanding diet of technology and safety features. Each subsequent sports car generation is heavier than the last, despite increased use of aluminum and other lightweight materials designed to offset it. For instance, the new 2020 C8 Corvette is expected to weigh 3,600 pounds, 150 pounds heavier than the C7 (which itself was 100 pounds more the C6). Even my Saturns have not been immune— my 2006 Ion weighed 450 pounds more than my 1997 SC2.

Lastly, my final and most important consideration was, of course, price. If you’ve ever compared the private party and dealer prices of the same vehicle, you know there’s a huge discrepancy. In the case of my Ion, the difference is $1,630. Likewise, the prices I’ve seen tend to indicate that most sellers actually believe their vehicle is worth substantially more than fair market value. For that reason, I passed on quite a few including one dealer in Florida who refused to budge at all on the price, even after a test drive and cash in hand. Even crazier, several sales people I spoke with never returned my calls leading me to wonder how they ever manage to sell any cars at all? But on the flipside were sports cars priced so attractively in Georgia, Florida, Louisiana and Texas that they were sold before I could get to them. I don’t know if it was smaller dealers snapping them up to resell, but I refuse to believe they were all sold to people who simply wandered in off the street. A perfect example is a Corvette that had just been listed in New Orleans. Of course, I couldn’t go that weekend to check it out because Hurricane Barry was rolling in. Yet unbelievably, somebody actually bought it right out from underneath me! What I want to know is what idiot goes car shopping in a Hurricane???

So, with that kind of competition, I feel fortunate I ever found the Corvette, though admittedly it was the culmination of a relentless, year-long search wherein I traveled thousands of miles and looked at hundreds of cars.

Luckily, it was located in New Orleans which I consider our “backyard.” Since with Amanda’s surgery we made more trips and spent more time there in the past twelve months than in all our prior years combined. And that the seller was an elderly 65 year-old man was both a blessing and a curse; it was a blessing because not being afflicted by the raging hormones of youth coursing through his veins, the Corvette was totally unmolested and 100% stock right down to the AC Delco air filter. However, it was also a curse due to his lack of proficiency with email and cell phones which meant communication was difficult at best. Email replies generally took three days, and he completely missed my phone call after I drove all the way over to look at the car the first time. Following that mishap, I had written it off, but an apologetic call from him convinced me I should give it another shot.

I’ve had a lot of people ask me why I picked the C5 over a newer or more powerful Corvette such as a C6 or a Z06. The answer is that to me, the C5 is the best looking of any year model. The newer C6 loses the distinctive pop-up headlights I’ve loved since my youth and its overall shape is too angular for my tastes. Finally, neither the C5 Z06 or C6 Z06 are available with an automatic transmission, which I wasn’t willing to compromise on.

Robert, the caretaker of the Corvette since new, looked pretty much as I’d imagined him from our conversations on the phone, save for a silver, two-inch pony tail dangling off the back of his head. A retired NASA engineer, he confessed to owning Corvettes since 1984 and is in the process of building a supercharged 482 cubic-inch V8 for his ’69 Corvette. He nonchalantly reckoned it should be good for “around 900hp” when he’s finished with it. Of course, this would normally be dismissed as an outright falsehood if not for the magnitude of Corvette engines and pieces littering his shop. In fact, I’ve seen entire Chevy parts departments with less equipment than he has. It also explains how his 2002 C5 was able to remain stock for seventeen years and only accumulate 55,000 miles on it. With a dedicated race car, he’s selling the C5 since he never has time to drive it.

Cosmetically and mechanically, the Corvette was in fantastic shape, a testament to his description of always keeping it garaged and never driving it in the rain.

2000 Ferrari 360	2002 Corvette C5
MSRP: $138,225	MSRP: $41,475
HP: 395 @ 8500 rpm	HP: 350 @ 5600 rpm
TQ: 275 @ 4750 rpm	TQ: 360 @ 4000 rpm
0-60: 4.6 sec. 0-100: 11.7 sec. ¼ Mile: 13.1 @ 110 mph	0-60: 4.8 sec. 0-100: 11.1 sec. ¼ Mile: 13.1 @ 110 mph
Top Speed: 175 mph	Top Speed: 175 mph
Engine: 3.6-liter 40-valve V8	Engine: 5.7-liter 16-valve V8
Weight: 3,291 lbs. Height: 48 in. Width: 76 in. Length: 176 in.	Weight: 3,245 lbs. Height: 47 in. Width: 73 in. Length: 179 in.

Judging by the nearly identical specs above, I’d almost accuse GM of plagiarizing Ferrari’s formula for the 360 were it not for the fact that the Bowling Green Bruiser beat the Maranello Mafioso to market by two years (1997 vs. 1999). It’s also a fascinating exercise in dualism as each take a wildly different approach to achieving the same end result. Chevrolet’s method is undeniably American—a huge (albeit low-tech) V8 that trades top-end horsepower for neck-snapping torque. The 360 is the polar opposite, with a small, high-revving V8. It’s not a stretch to say that the Corvette was designed for Main Street USA and the Ferrari for the Autobahn.

They’re both so close in weight, height, and width that you’d need a measuring tape and scale to tell the difference. Yet, to be so similar on paper, they’re vastly different to drive. For starters, no one buys a Corvette or Ferrari for the luggage space, but in a pinch, the Chevy is the clear winner. While the 360 has some room in the nose for a couple small bags, the C5’s cargo area can swallow three sets of golf clubs. Surprisingly, outward visibility is also better in the Corvette, though not by much as both suffer from a slightly distorted rear view given the steeply raked glass hatch in each.

As for the seats, the Corvette has long been derided for such items as poor side bolsters and lumbar support. But to be completely honest, I was pleasantly surprised by how comfortable they were on the 150-mile drive back home. In comparison, the Ferrari had carbon-fiber racing seats that cost $14,000 apiece. How ridiculous is it to think that just the 360’s seats cost more than my whole Corvette? That notwithstanding, at 19 pounds each they are 36 pounds lighter than the Chevrolet chairs. But more expensive isn’t necessarily better as they were thinly-padded, fixed bucket seats that offered no range of movement. I’m a huge proponent of weight-saving measures, but I wouldn’t want to undertake the same two-hour drive in them. Even worse, the Italians don’t believe in cruise control, so the Ferrari requires a firm foot on the accelerator at all times. Not so in the Corvette, which I was able to pilot from Slidell to Escatawpa without touching the gas pedal a single time.

It's a given that the interior of a car costing roughly $100,000 more would be nicer, but the Corvette’s hard plastic dash and other surfaces was the most disappointing aspect of the car for me. Coming from a Saturn, I know all about GM’s low-rent materials, so I was particularly surprised to see them present in Chevrolet’s flagship sports car. Of course, the Ferrari’s delicate Connolly leather is highly prone to expensive warping and shrinking, so in this case the Corvette’s cheap plastic is actually the better alternative.

Tires sizes are perhaps the biggest difference between the two thoroughbreds, with the Ferrari embracing 18-inch wheels at all four corners, while the Corvette opts for 17s in the front and 18s in the back. But despite that incongruity, both still agree on identical-sized 275/40R18 rear tires. The 360 was equipped with factory-correct Bridgestone S-02 tires that retail for around $400 apiece while the Corvette wears new $340 Kumho Ecsta MX Extended Mobility Tires (EMT). Commonly known as “Run-Flats” these tires feature a strengthened sidewall that, in the event of a tire puncture, lets you safely drive on them without damaging the wheel. Goodyear Eagle EMTs were original equipment on the C5 due to the vehicle not having room for a spare tire. Regardless, I applaud Robert for retaining the run-flat tires and hope I never have to use them. Ferrari’s solution was a can of Fix-A-Flat that they passed off as an “OEM Tire Repair Kit.” These are highly prized by owners and collectors alike, and can fetch upwards of $1,000.

My buddy Rick compared the color of the Corvette to Mississippi State’s “True Maroon.” His son attends college there and Victoria spent a week on campus for Dance Camp. But what I was proudest of was that it looked remarkably like the “Rosso Barchetta” color of my 360. Chevrolet bills it as “Magnetic Red II Metallic” which is slightly confusing. Does Magnetic Red come before or after Purple Rain? Regardless, it’s much more elegant and less flashy than the “Arrest-Me-Officer” color that is “Torch Red.” I felt that given the dark red color, “Ruby”, like the gem, would be a fitting name for the C5. But illustrating the different thought processes between myself and Amanda, I fondly recalled Ruby, ATI’s sexy mascot for its video cards, while she thought of the kid’s cartoon “Max and Ruby” about a pair of silly rabbits. That notwithstanding, the actual ruby gemstone is spiritually recognized as a protective jewel that brings happiness and passion into the life of the wearer. I’d say that perfectly describes my feelings for the Corvette.

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As far as the aural delight of each, it’s hard to beat the sound of an American V8. The Corvette has a pleasing burble at idle, but its true voice is somewhat stifled by the stock mufflers and catalytic converters. On the other hand, the Ferrari practically screams with its aftermarket Fuchs titanium exhaust, and what a glorious sound it is! No contest here, the 360 is the victor even if the Corvette wasn’t handicapped by its factory pipes.

Finally, the Corvette is easier to drive and yet actually weighing less, it paradoxically seems bigger and heavier. And despite its hydro-formed frame adding stiffness, the C5 still flexes and creaks quite a bit over bumps and pavement imperfections.

Some of my friends think it’s crazy to use a Corvette as a daily driver. However, I was emboldened by a lot of things, the least of which is Mark Blackwell’s 2000 C5 which he racked up 773,338 miles on. Other than regular oil changes, he didn’t even have to pull the valves covers until 750,000 miles to change the head gasket.

Honestly, I don’t know if I will like it, or how long I’ll keep it. But for the money, it’s certainly a lot more fun and exciting to drive than anything else I’ve found. I’ll have more details and experiences to share in the coming months so stay tuned!

Leaving The Big Easy